My early life, as a result of poor choices and wayward living, left me an out of control alcoholic and drug addict at a very young age. During this time, I had an English teacher who one day assigned the class to write a poem. She allotted the entire class period for the project and she told us that we could not leave class until we were finished. I, being the class bum, refused at first, thinking the idea to be ridiculous, but upon her making it clear that she meant it, I started to write. As I did, an idea came to me and I found myself writing a sonnet about the sun. I recall, enjoying the experience and being a bit surprised with how easily the words came to me. However, upon finishing it and to my surprise, the teacher accused me of plagiarism and refused to believe that I had written it on my own. Well…as was the case with everything else in my life at that point, I didn't care and I consequently left the class and the idea of poetry far behind, not looking back.

Some years later, prior to starting college and after turning my life around so as to rid myself of drugs and alcohol, I found myself faced with the decision of what trade to pursue for a living. Instinctively, art was at the top of my list. However, my investigation of the profession yielded a sobering reality: that I would likely starve to death in the endeavor. Thus, I settled on a more practical path: Civil Engineering. I made this choice based upon the fact that I was good at math and the hope that the work of engineering design would fill the need to create and express myself artistically. In time, and for whatever reasons, I came to find that this was wrong.

Though I was happy with engineering for a while, the desire to do something more artistic resurfaced and then began to grow. Eventually, I was forced to look myself in the eyes and admit that I would never be happy on that path. However, by then my life included a beautiful wife and children to provide for. Also, I owned a company with partners and employees who relied upon me. Thus, I felt trapped and I could only resolve that the right thing for me to do was to put on a face and endure. Sadly, as is likely the case with anyone who tries to hide behind a mask, depression swept in and I soon found myself at lowest point in my life and, as I would soon find out, paving the path toward total darkness. To my utmost despair and shame, I allowed depression and the pressures of hiding my feelings to lead me back to addictions. The end result: total darkness and total emptiness. I stood asa shell of a man hiding behind the mask of what people remembered, and wanted me to be. 

I have always held faith that there is a purpose to life which includes the trials we face and the demons we face. Thus, from deep within the darkness of my mind and the despair of my soul, I held out hope that things would change and I would somehow once again find light and happiness. This hope was not wasted for the light did indeed come, but the way in which it came was most unexpected. I stumbled across the music of the band Blue October, and it instantly grabbed me. I was mesmerized by its power and its ability to penetrate the walls which I had built around my inner feelings. However, I also saw, somehow, that the band’s many songs were more than just songs…they were each stories...pieces of a bigger story...a seemingly hidden story that was scrambled across all of their work. Out of curiosity I arranged the songs into an order that I thought would tell the story and I then played them all, back to back. As I did, I was amazed at how well they fit together. I began to see the story that they told. I wanted to attempt to envision the story in my mind, and so I listened to the songs for a second time. As I did, a vision of sorts began to play in my mind of a movie that would go with the music...a Rock Opera movie. It completely blew me away and I was so excited that I contacted the bands managers to tell them about it. Their response: write it up and send it in. Well, at this point I was awakened to a cold realization…I had absolutely no training in or experience with writing. I stated such to the managers, but they said they didn't care.  “Just jot it down the best you can and send it in” was their reply.  Thus, I started writing, but I wanted it to be as good as possible and so I wrote it up as a full script.  Well, God be thanked that I did for while I was writing, something happened to me. It was like every word was breathing life back into me. By the time I was finished with the script, I felt like all of the darkness and depression were completely gone. I felt no desire for the addictions that had held me previously bound.  I felt better than I ever had. 

Some few days after I had submitted the script to the band’s managers, I lay awake late at night pondering all that had happened and the change of heart that writing had given me. While in this moment, the poem "A Road Less Taken" by Robert Frost came to my mind and so I arose from my bed to look it up on the web.  As I read it, another vision came to me wherein I saw my first poem, "The Mentor" as if it were written on paper in my mind. I also understood that I could and should write.  I knew that there was journey that lay before in doing so and that I must travel that journey. Thus, I wrote the poem down and from that time forward I have set out on that journey, looking across my life, my experiences, and the world around me, in search of impressions; impressions that I can capture, sculpt and portray within the magical art of poetry. The result is my collection of poems. I hope they can help you as much as they have helped me.

Sincerely;

Jeff Bresee